Beautiful Things

"You have a college degree and you're wiping poop off an old lady's butt?" one of my resident's asked.

I failed to remind her that college degrees are obtained today at the equivalency that high school degrees were in her day, but yes, I do have a college degree, and yes, I do spend much of my day either wiping old people's bottoms or giving assistance to resident's in bathrooms and showers.
 But it's my privilege not my plight.

"She has done a beautiful thing for me."  (Matt 26)

Jesus says this of the woman who anoints him with expensive perfume.
 Others are indignant because the value of the perfume could have been used to feed the poor.
But what is practical in our minds isn't always the most beautiful thing to Jesus.

What beautiful thing can I do for Jesus today?

These days for me it may mean wiping a dirty bottom with love and dignity, washing and massaging old crusty feet, or letting a crushed and depressed resident sob on my shoulders.

These aren't world changing actions, but they may change one person's world.
So many others do these same actions every day, but it is these same actions that make my day.
 The investment isn't the most practical. I spend myself pouring everything I am into individuals who's "glory days" are past and who's situations in this life are only going to continue to deteriorate.
 But they are individuals who are still beautiful, still human, and still created in the image of God.
This is why I see it as a great privilege and joy to serve them and in doing so do something beautiful for Jesus.
 
 My last entry was six months ago as I was navigating where to take the next step. Six months later I find myself still in Columbus, Ohio,working for a senior living company as both a Care Manager and a Life Enrichment Manager with resident's affected by Alzheimer's and dementia.
 It has been the most rewarding yet heartbreaking job, it has been stretching and healing, and it is teaching me more about the depths of human love and suffering then I could ever imagine. And I am grateful.

My blog may make a shift as I hope to find moments to share bits of what I am learning through my time spent in community with those who suffer from memory loss.

"May you continue to be the sunshine of His love to your people and thus make your life something truly beautiful for God"-Mother Teresa

Twinkling Lights

     Well I am back home, surrounded by familiar places, faces, and voices. And it is good.
 In the past months I have been able to spend many rich hours catching up with dear family and friends in Belgium, Ohio, Texas, Pennsylvania, and Minnesota.
   Since my last post I have flown on 12 flights and traveled on multiple trains, buses, and other modes of transportation and seen more I ever imagined possible within that period of time. I hope to be able to catch up and tell several "untold" stories from those travels, but for now I just want to share a picture that reflects where I am at now.
    It was in the middle of those three weeks of whirlwind, European, tourism that I found myself walking with Katherine along the western shores of Ireland. It was a perfect night. The almost full moon was reflected on the water and the waves came up softly on the beach. It was one of many surreal moments. As we walked Katherine looked across the bay at the twinkling lights and said, "I always love looking at lights across the water like that because I can imagine them to be whatever I want". In an arrogant realist thought I wondered what the point was of imagining such things. Well recently God brought that precious thought of Katherine's back and spoke to my heart through it.
  Because you see I too like to imagine and dream, to dream about the future and imagine about all of the
endless possibilities of things I could do and pursue. And like those far off twinkling lights my far off dreams can be in my imagination whatever I want them to be. What in reality might be an old warehouse can be in my imagination a charming cottage, or what may be a gas station can be a lively cafe.
     As I float closer to those twinkling lights I begin to make out some of the outlines but I am still unable to discern what each light is attached to. I begin to wonder if my imaginations will lead me to disappointment. I wonder if it's safer to stay put and remain in the boat where I can continue to imagine the lights to be whatever I wish, where I don't have to risk the chance of being disappointed. I become paralyzed with the uncertainty and risk.
   But it is then that Jesus comes walking on the water towards me,
"Take courage! It is I (I am with you). DO NOT BE AFRAID"
He then offers me His hand and I am able to step out of the boat and walk with Him towards the twinkling lights. I still don't know which light belongs to the quaint cottage or the old garage, I still don't know if my dreams will disappear or be more than I could even imagined. But I do know that Jesus is with me, that He is good, and that I am not only safe with Him but safe to give my dreams to Him.
   So here were go! To discover what those twinkling lights have in store and what dreams turn into when you give them to Jesus. As Ron Grey said at the recent ACM conference, "no regret, no reserve, no retreat!"

Some photos from Ireland

Clonmacnoise Abbey

Kylemore Abbey

With Katherine at the Cliffs of Moher 

A view from the Ring of Kerry

Sheep, hills, lochs, and me! Connemara, Ireland

Freely we receive, freely give....

"Not all of us can do great things. But we can do small things with great love"-Mother Teresa

It is only appropriate to insert a Mother Teresa quote after spending 11 weeks in her homeland, standing in the location of her birthplace, and visiting her memorial chapel. But this quote is also symbolic of what these past months have been for me. None of what I have spent the past months doing would be considered doing "great things". I haven't launched into a "great" career, poured into a "great" ministry role, or tried to make the world a better place through participating in a "great" NGO or community organization. 

  Instead I have just spent this time changing diapers, preparing meals, giving a toddler a drink of water, reading stories, and going on many many pretend camping trips. But all with great love- a love that I know I wouldn't be capable of giving if it hadn't already been generously given to me.

"Freely you receive. Freely Give"-Matthew 10:8

So much in these past months have shown me how much I have been given and how much I've received.

 I've received much just by being born and raised in the US, by the security  living their at this time provides and by the opportunities that exist.

I've received so much just by how I was raised and loved by my parents and family. So many aspects of my upbringing have resurfaced throughout the days with the children here. Memories that have turned into stories to tell Marta, games and activities that I can apply with the kids, a fascination of the precious and unique moments in each child's life, an appreciation of family time, and of course countless examples of tender and loving parenting that have contributed to enabling me to do the small things with great love.

 Finally, I've received so much more from the Father. From Him pouring His love into my life, supplying strength for each day, wisdom for each situation, grace and peace within moments of chaos, and the joy of living in each moment with Him.

So the only natural response to all of this is to give:

 I have been provided for in order to provide for others, I have been cared for in order to care for others, I have been loved and cherished in order to love and cherish. I have been given much in order to do small things with great love.

  I am so very grateful to have had these past 11 weeks to give to and receive from so many lovely people here in Macedonia. It will be a very broken heart that boards the plane early Monday morning at the Skopje, Airport. It is never an easy thing to leave such a lovely place with such precious people.

      But I will also be returning to some precious faces in Belgium for a few days before being joined by my dearest friend Katherine who will spend several weeks with me on a travel adventure to Paris, England, Ireland, and Italy all made possible by a very generous gift.
So once again freely I receive.............in order to freely give.

"God is in love with us and keeps giving Himself to the world-through you-through me..............May you continue to be the sunshine of His love to your people and thus make your life something truly beautiful for God"-Mother Teresa

With Marta and Filip at the Cross that overlooks Skopje

Snuggle time with Filip

Slodaled (ice cream) time with Marta!

                                   

Amazed at God's goodness towards me in this beautiful country

Just to Be With You

"Miss Anna can I wash the dishes?"
"Can I help make the French Toast Miss Anna?"
These are just a few of the many questions that come out of dear Marta's mouth during a typical day.
And as heartwarming as it is to hear an offer of assistance, when it is coming from the mouth of even the most competent 3 year old it is quickly followed by thoughts of how it would be much quicker to do the dishes alone, or simpler to make the French Toast without help.
    But then I see a pair of eager blues eyes belonging to a little girl who just wants to do anything and everything with me and I realize that my preferences of doing things a certain way or at a certain pace are not important compared to the opportunity to do something with Marta.
          It also is not unusual in a typical day for the chubby hands of a toddler to almost de-pants me in an attempt to get me to pick him up. Once held he is happy to just be with me amused at my attempts to peel a carrot or whatever other task I am attempting to do with one and a half hands.  If I am unloading the dishwasher he is right there as I quickly and strategically remove the non plastic items. One day I was watering the rose bushes and he deserted his balls and plastic bottles to help hold the hose. All of these portray the beauty of a child's desire and delight to just be with a person the look up to and love.
   Of course kids have a tendency to be interested in whatever they see others interested in, but there is also an endearing aspect of their desire to just to be with you. There have been several instances where my first response was impatience at having to share a task or limit my ability to do a task efficiently because either Marta or Filip wanted to be with me. But it is in those moments that the Lord has pointed out the beauty of their desire to be with me. Not because it felt good that they wanted to be with me, but because of the example they are of how we can have the same childlike desire to be with God and do everything with Him.
            Through these daily moments I am reminded that God wants to be with us. That is why He sent Jesus to be "God with us". He not only wants to be with us but He wants us to be a part of what He is doing in restoring people to Himself. And unlike me with the kids, God is not limited by our being with him nor is He impatient by our slower pace or many distractions-just to be with Him is His delight.
    So just as Marta and Filip desire to be with me in anything and everything I do, so too do I hope to have that same childlike desire to be with God in anything and everything. Without an agenda but with a pure desire just to be with Him, live life with Him, to be and do everything with Him.....
 
"For in him we live, and move and have our being"
Acts 17:28

At the pool with Filip (his pants came off somewhere along the way!)

Spent a few days relaxing at a mountain resort in Marlboro, Macedonia

Roaring Lions

   There are times when bed time conversation with little ones are so precious you just want to keep them up all night; tonight was one of those times.
    After a snuggle time with Marta, Feather Tella Tale (her doll), and Chicco Grizzly (a teddy bear) and several Curious George books we went up to brush teeth. Once both Marta's and Feather Tella Tale's teeth were brushed I tucked Marta into bed and snuggled in next to her just like I always did with Keri and told her stories. She loves to hear stories of when I was little and with the upcoming family addition I told her stories of when I was little and when my Mommy would go to the hospital to have babies. We talked about missing our moms and how when she misses her mom when she is in the hospital she can come to me and we can miss our moms together. As I was kissing her goodnight she said, "I'm hungry". Typical stall tactic I thought, but then she said, "Can I eat meat?" Which is different than asking for a yogurt or another treat. So I brought her downstairs and cut up some left over pork chops from dinner and she sat at the table and ate them while I proceeded to do some of the dishes. As she was eating and I was cleaning she said,
"Will you make sure no tigers or lions come inside?."
"Yes, I will. But lions and tigers don't live in Macedonia so you don't need to worry about that," I replied
 This prompted an in depth discussion on where tigers and lions live and why they live there instead of here. Then Marta said, "Well I am just afraid they will comes inside".
 "Marta even if there were tigers and lions in Macedonia we don't need to be afraid because God is always with us and He is bigger and stronger than anything in the world. And when we do become afraid we can talk to God about it and He will remind us that we are safe with Him."
As we were finishing up our discussion the neighbors opened their iron gate and I saw Marta's eyes get very big. I suddenly realized that one could imagine that the sound of the iron gates opening and closing could sound like a roaring lion or tiger so I asked,
"Marta what is that sound? Does that sound make you think of lions and tigers?"
"Yes" she said.
"That's the sound of the neighbors opening and closing their gates, just like we open and close our gates when we leave or come home. It does sound similar to what a lion or tiger could sound like when they roar but it's just Miss Mary returning home! And we don't need to be afraid of that!"
 We laughed and talked a little more about how to respond when we are afraid of something then I proceeded for the second time that night to take her upstairs and tuck her in bed.
   Later I was finishing up the dishes thinking of our sweet little conversation and thanking the Lord for revealing to me that the sound of the gates was connected to her imagination of lions and tigers outside which enabled me to dispel Marta's fears. I felt sorry that she had been afraid of that sound but also found it funny to think of the iron gates as roaring lions and tigers.
      Then God pointed out to me how the fears I have aren't that different than imagining the sound of iron gates to be the sound of roaring lions. All fear is irrational in light of Father's care, protection, and provision. There might as well be neon flashing signs all throughout the Bible that say, "do not fear"! In fact there are approximately 365 places in the Bible that say to not be afraid, which makes me think that not allowing fears to control our thoughts and actions is rather important to God. When I realize how fearful I am I want to cry out like the disciples, "Lord increase my faith!" I want God's perfect love that drives out all fear to be the reality of my life. I am thankful that through a little conversation with Marta I was reminded that whatever I may find to be afraid of is as harmless as the opening of an iron gate because of the reality that I am held in the Father's strong, capable, and protecting hands. So now whenever I hear the sound of the gates opening or closing I think of Marta, of lions and tigers, and of the confidence I can have in a God who calls us out of a life driven by fear and into a life driven by love.



I was able to take a little get away trip last week before the baby arrives and go to Ohrid with friends Jordan and Bosa. Here are a few pictures from our time.

Lake Ohrid, Macedonia

Church of St. John of Kanao

On the cliff at St. John of Kanao
(which I later jumped off of into the lake below)

Beautiful Ohrid!

 

4th of July on US soil

   So how does one spend the 4th of July in a foreign country?

        Recently I have celebrated several 4th of Julys in Belgium, and it is always a blast. You have Rebecca who is very patriotic and brings out all her flags and red white and blue decor and weather permitting always has a cookout at the fire pit at the bottom of the garden and Paul (Canadian) and Annie (French) who graciously join in the celebration. But this summer for me was not to be celebrated in Belgium, but rather in Macedonian which included a 4th of July picnic at the US embassy. That meant technically celebrating on US soil. According to international law embassy grounds are not the territory of the host country but of the country representing the embassy (thus why fleeing individuals often seek asylum in various embassies), so yes I was on US soil for the 4th of July!

Happy Birthday America!

        The embassy picnic was a fun event with very American music (walking towards the picnic my friend Jordan and I were both excited to hear country music!), hot dogs and hamburgers (pickles andyellow mustard that you can't easily find abroad!), and games for the kids.
                   

This is how Marta feels about her hot dog!

 Due to the relatively small size of Skopje most Americans know each other or of each other so it was fun to see and meet other Americans or American/Macedonian families. Unfortunately the event ended early due to God's fireworks/thunder storm but the previous evening they had a larger more formal 4th of July reception and a display of fireworks that we were able to see from our backyard. So I did get a dose of fireworks!

     

 The new faces of Lady Liberty?

 

         Perhaps the most significant part of celebrating the 4th of July abroad is the perspective shift. Sometimes it takes going to another country to see how much I take for granted in my country and how grateful I can be for being born in the US and being able to call the United States of America my country. God bless the USA!

In front of my state flag! OH-IO!

A Birthday in Macedonia

    It is evening once again, the kids are in bed and I am on the terrace taking in the wheat and hay fields beyond the yard and the beautiful blue mountain skyline and listening to the traditional Macedonian music that drifts across the field from a neighboring town. There are so many thoughts going through my head that sometimes it is hard to track them down. But for now I'm going to share about the celebrations of this past week.
    July 1st was my 23rd birthday. The day began typically with Filip's wake up babble turning into wining sobs at around 6:30 AM I was greeted by the morning "kaka" gift and after cleaning him up got him settled with a bottle of milk. A little later on I was presented with an adorable card that Susannah helped Marta make.

On the card Marta had dictated, "We love you very much", instructions for things she wants to do with me when her mommy is at the doctor, affirmation that she likes to play games with me everyday, and the best, "I know my baby should not blow cigarettes".  A popular game she likes to play is that she is the mommy and she is going to have a baby. Usually when we play this game Marta is a bit of a non-compliant patient and informed me that both she and her baby were blowing cigarettes which of course prompted a long lecture about the dangers of blowing cigarettes from the impersonating doctor. She clearly was listening well because she repeated the lecture to a friend who smokes later on as well as writing it on my birthday card! 

Oh the things little ones say!

       

Thank you Marta!

    Susannah was so sweet to make my birthday special. She had a few gifts for me a bracelet and a beautifully silver embroidered piece of traditional Macedonian artwork.

   

Photo credits got to Marta

Susannah also put together a fun dinner outing. We invited her neighbor Mary who has been so kind to take me out with her on several occasions, she is a speech therapist who had lived in the US for 16 years. We also invited Rochelle a friend of Susannah's who has children the same age as Marta and Filip who visit frequently, Rochelle is from the US and teaches ESL here in Macedonia.

 We went to a traditional Macedonian restaurant in Kapan An a 15th century inn originally used for traders and caravans located in the old bazaar of Skopje. The food was wonderful but sadly I can barely remember the names of any of it. There was shopska salad (which is basically tomatoes, cucumbers, and Macedonian cheese) Ivar (a pepper puree spread) and several different cheese spreads with delicious bread and meats topped off with some Macedonian wine. I was beginning to wonder if turning 23 also entailed gaining 23 pounds!

       

    After we finished at Kapan An we walked across the stone bridge to the modern part of the city and had dessert at a lovely cafe right on the center square. Again I cannot remember the name of the dessert but it was essentially chocolate lava cake, and it was amazing.

 

  This cafe is also known for its little Macedonian proverbs for each guest at each table (basically the fortune cookie with out the cookie part). We all picked one out and had fun reading over them and laughing. Some of them were truer for the individual than others. I sometimes wonder if the writers of these proverbs or fortunes look up statistics on what type of sayings are applicable to the most people. Anyhow, mine happened to be quite applicable. It said, "trust and you will understand". That morning I was reflecting on my past year and upcoming year and wrote this prayer in my journal,  "God I trust you with this next year, in fact I am dependent on you to lead me step by step through this next year. Let me step joyfully into the uncertainty of this season......" So that is the plan, trust Him, know Him, dance joyfully through life with Him and watch where the steps take me! 

             

And I get to be with these precious ones all day? I am one lucky girl :-)