Speechless

            Usually during Thanksgiving there comes the time to say some of the things we are thankful for, my go to list usually includes God, family, and friends. But after yesterday's celebration I realized how grateful I am for the ability to communicate, for full functioning arms and legs, and complete mental capacity (at least I like to think that's true!).
            I am so grateful to have been able to share Thanksgiving with Thomas and Beth and their family. They decided to bring the feast to the rehabilitation center and invite everyone at the center to join in the fun. Wednesday Beth and I went to all the rooms passing out invitations to each of the patients and posting them in the nurses stations. On Thursday we got up early and went to decorate and prepare the room where the feast was to be held. Another patient and his family joined us and we had so much fun putting up decorations with his family. Many of the patients who were able went home for the day with friends and family, but there were many others who were unable to leave and quite a few of them came and joined in on the fun bringing  their family members along with them.
             Each patient with their families had fascinating stories and were on different journeys towards recovering. I can't even fathom what it must be like for the family members and the patients who one day fall off of a roof and suffer sustaining brain injuries, or were severely injured in a truck accident, or suffered a stroke  loosing the ability to use half of their body. Sharing Thanksgiving with all of these people made me so grateful for all the functions that I take for granted. It also helped me understand that gratefulness is not always about circumstances. Yesterday was certainly a beautiful expression of being thankful for everything and rejoicing in all things.
             I ended up spending most of my time with one patient in particular. I realized she was new to the center and introduced myself to her and asked if I could help get her a plate. That was when I realized she had suffered a stroke and struggled severely to communicate. We were not the best pair between my hearing comprehension difficulties and her speech challenges, but she was very patient with me and we got by. Although she had lost the function of her right hand she had learned to write with her left hand and often would resort to communicating through writing on a little notepad. My heart broke when I realized how alienating it must be to have thoughts and the desire and often times need to communicate but be unable to. I know that many people who suffer strokes or other injuries experience that, but spending several hours with someone who is unable to speak left me speechless just trying to imagine what it must be like.
            Through our laborious communication she shared with me that she enjoys reading the Bible and was finding hope through Jesus' words. Beth and I have the opportunity have some more time with this patient to share together over lunch on Monday and I hope it will be a rich time. I was touched that although it is difficult for her to express her thoughts and feelings with people, she can know that Jesus already understands her thoughts, feelings, and desires without her having to verbalize them.
             I know I have so much to be thankful for and am learning that more and more through my time here. But I also know that I can be thankful in all things and rejoice in everything because nothing can separate us from Christ's love, not even being speechless or unable to walk or move. And that fact, being unable to be separated from Christ's love, makes me more grateful than anything else and leaves me speechless when I consider His unfathomable love.
 

Perplexing

          I have been here in San Antonio almost four weeks, spending the week days in the rehabilitation center with Beth and the weekends resting at the house. Beth continues to be a delight to serve and I am continually amazed that God allows me to serve her during this time.
         It amuses me when I realize how perplexed the staff has become by my presence here. I can't count how many times I've been asked if I'm Beth's sister. They cannot comprehend why someone like me who is not related to Beth would choose to come from Ohio to spend several weeks in this hospital-like environment. (Sometimes I wonder if they think I am homeless and find the hospital bed more comfortable than sleeping under a bridge). They just can't seem to place me in any of their boxes of typical visitors.
     One nurse was particularly perplexed by her inability to understand this and she appeared to feel that my presence represented criticism of her care. This women's insecurity and inability to place me caused her to snap at me one evening while I was helping Beth. She told us she would go and get the "expert" and promptly came back with a nurse tech to replace me (I wasn't offended I just went back to sleep!).
       But I think the reason many people here cannot understand why I would do this is that they don't understand Jesus. Of course I would lay down life in this small way for my friend because that is what Jesus did for his friends and I am just trying to follow Jesus and be an imitator of him. Jesus teaches us that anyone who wants to save his life will lose it but he who loses his life will find it. This is so very true, I am finding my life by "losing" it. It is through putting my life on "pause" and serving Beth at this time that I experience the Lord's delight.
  If people are surprised by my willingness to do this little act of service how much more astounded will they be when the realize what Christ has done? And how much more amazed when they understand how he laid down his life for his friends-for us?
   But I won't blame them for being unable to place Jesus in any box. He doesn't fit any specific structure, formula, or model. He perplexes me with his inescapable love. And what an adventure it is to follow a Savior who continues to astound me with his reckless love that cannot be understood!