Time

       One of the major adjustments of a full time caregiver is the sacrifice of time.
    Several people have commented to me on the sacrifice it must be to give up three months of my time to serve Rebecca. But what they don't realize is that setting aside three months of my time is not difficult for me at this stage of life, in fact it is easy to do so joyfully in order to serve Rebecca. The sacrifice is not dropping everything in Columbus to come to Belgium. The sacrifice is dropping everything at any moment to come to Rebecca's side and help her. It is the willingness to sacrifice the moment I had intended to use to read quietly to assist Rebecca's transfer into bed, it's exchanging the time I had meant to do laundry to help write an e-mail for Rebecca. It is swapping my internal order of operations of all that needs to be done for Rebecca's order. It is constantly living being ready to drop everything  at anytime to assist Rebecca. In sum it is recognizing that time does not belong to me.
            But did time ever truly belong to me in the first place? Who came up with the idea that we are owed time-that time is our to own?
  We try to control it with plans constructed within the tight frameworks of clocks and calenders. The irony is while we try to control time it actually controls us. "The month, the day, the hour, and the seconds in which we live in determine how much longer we have to speak, listen, eat, work, sleep, study, pray, or stay" Henri Nouwen says in his booklet Compassion. He proceeds to explain "clock time",  "clock time is outer time, time that has a hard, merciless objectivity to it....Clock time makes us disappointed with today."
   But as one of Rebecca's favorite verses in the Psalms says, "My times are in your hands" Psalm 31:15
             If our times are in God's hands then there is no reason to be disappointed with the day or impatient in the moment because each moment within God's hands is full and rich, we can rest in the knowledge that this is the exact moment designated for this specific time. Surrendering the belief that we can own time allows us to be patient people and "patience makes us loving, caring, gentle, tender ,and always grateful for the abundance of God's gifts" (Henri Nouwen). Recognizing that time does not belong to me and never did allows me to patiently flow with the ever changing current of my days here.
   So my constant prayer is this: Lord my days are in your hands-my time is in your hands. Let me joyfully give up each moment to you-not being restricted or burdened by time but freely walking in each moment with you.Thank you for the gift of each moment and allowing me to share each moment with You.
                          

Photos are from an excursion we all took to the Grand Bigard castle outside of Brussels. The tulips were astounding. The entire outing was filled with a beauty that speaks to the soul.

Eunice- A Mother's Day Tribute

           No, my mother's name is not Eunice, it is Lynn.

    So where does Eunice come in on Mother's day? Well she is one of the super mom's in the Bible because she gets recognition from Paul in his letter to her son Timothy in 2 Timothy 1:5 for her life of sincere faith. 

  But I am not intending to do an in depth Biblical study on the virtuous mother here, in fact it was truly a matter of "coincident" that Eunice came to my mind this weekend.

   Rebecca leads weekly Bible studies with her caregivers and we have been slowly working our way through Philippians.This week we covered the end of Philippians 2 where Paul again brags about Timothy and chooses to send him to the Philippians because he, "has no one else like him, who takes a genuine interest" in their welfare. 

    After reading that section Rebecca mentioned Eunice and how she released her son Timothy to go with Paul and serve as his disciple helping spread the good news of the gospel. Rebecca commented on how that must not have been easy for Eunice. As his mother she must have at one time had hopes that he would settle down near her with a family and live in comfort and security, but she let go of those desires allowing him to go with Paul taking many risks to share the good news and serve the growing churches. There must have been little earthly security in that, but she must have found great comfort in knowing that all of it allowed Timothy to know Christ better.

   I am certainly not trying to draw exaggerated parallels between me and Timothy, but in many ways my mom is like Eunice. Her mother's heart deeply yearns for me to be settled near her, to be able to share life with her, and to be secure within her motherly care, but like Eunice she has released me and  helps to send me out to serve others.
           She has helped provide the secure foundation that allows me to grow out of being rooted in the knowledge that I am highly treasured by her. She has poured her sacrificial love into me in a way that overflows allowing me to extend love to others. She speaks words of encouragement into my life giving me boldness to step out of my comforts zone into new areas. And most importantly she encourages me to seek God above all else.
    I know that until I am a mother myself I cannot fully fathom the depths of a mother's love or how difficult it must be for her to watch her children spread their wings. But I hope she finds great comfort and joy in seeing that she has well equipped her children to seek God and find and experience the surpassing greatness of knowing Him!
    I strongly believe that I am living proof of the faithful prayers of a righteous woman.
Mom, thank you for all that you have done for me, given to me, and prayed for me.
For being a friend and mother to me and for being an example of sacrificial love.
My heart bursts with gratitude to Father for being given a mother like you!
I love you

Dependency

"In the world dependency is seen as immature, but in My Kingdom dependence on Me is a prime measure of maturity"

-Jesus Calling

  Rebecca received the daily devotional Jesus Calling by Sarah Young for her birthday in April. She now begins her quiet time with this little book and once she is finished with it I slip it out and read the daily excerpt for myself. The other day the book fell open to a page with the line above on it, although it wasn't the devotional assigned to that day I was struck with with word "dependency".
     It is not hard to be aware of Rebecca's dependency on those around her, especially for those of us whom she depends heavily upon. If she is cold at night she is completely dependent on one of us responding to her call and coming to give her another blanket, she is dependent on us to help her use her one hand to feed herself, she is dependent on us to give her the correct medications at the right time, to help place her arms and legs in the correct position, and the list could go on. Since her accident she has become completely dependent on those around her. And with that dependency comes trust, she must trust that we are taking care of all her needs and doing what is best for her.
    Rebecca's life is a beautiful example of dependency and trust. It isn't a perfect example, there certainly are times where she questions what I am doing (for good reasons I'm not perfect!) and there are also areas where her independence is protected. However, the way she graciously surrenders control and peacefully allows herself to be dependent on everyone to do almost everything for her is a beautiful picture of how we can be dependent on God.
   We live in a world where self-sufficiency is glorified and independence is idolized, and I am certainly not immune to any of this. I do believe that God gives us a certain amount of freedom and stewardship of the talents He has given us, but I also have become well aware of how my arrogance prohibits me from asking for His help and how tightly I treasure my independence.
     But in the Kingdom of God dependency is a sign of maturity not immaturity.....
Father doesn't want us to be consumed by demonstrating our own self-sufficiency, He wants to us to be consumed by experiencing how He is all sufficient. He doesn't want us to exert our independence but live out life with Him becoming fully dependent on Him. We know that we can rest in full dependency on God because He is capable of providing all of our needs and doing exactly what is best for us, because He is trustworthy.

Tulips from the Petrie garden

Lunch picnic with the Petrie clan and  friends celebrating the Belgian labor day, Premier Mai