Visiting a WWII Cemetery

         During our visit to the De Merode's castle Prince Charles-Louise took us through his expansive forest to a small gated cemetery, the only private WWII cemetery in Europe. The soldiers buried there were found in the surrounding forest after the battle that had occurred there in 1944. This battle ground felt so much closer than the American Civil War and Revolutionary War battlefields I have visited in the US. Although my generation is much farther removed from WWII than those before me, it still feels much closer especially when I remember listening to war stories from a WWII veteran and favorite customer at the restaurant I worked at.
       However, unlike the pride and gratitude felt when visiting US battlefields and cemeteries, I felt such a deep sadness as I walked through the rows of German soldiers reading the names of young men who died at my age or that of my brothers. They died so young and fighting for what? There were tombstones for 14 and then 63 unknown German soldiers, they died and were forgotten. There were also three American soldiers graves that remained, one still unidentified. We were told that they are still attempting to identify the body through DNA testing. But not that of the 77 unknown German soldiers. Reflecting on these unknown and forgotten soldiers reminded me of the passage in Ecclesiastes which says, "but the dead know nothing, they have no further reward, and even the memory of them is forgotten. Their love, their hate and their jealousy have long since vanished." (Ecclesiastes 9:5,6. It all felt so empty and futile.
   Over the past month I have sat almost daily leaning against Rebecca's shoulder and watching as the news flashes images from the horror in Syria to terror in a Colorado movie theater. So much sadness, despair, hurt, and hatred. I can relate to David in the Psalms when he said, " When I tried to understand all this, it was oppressive to me till I entered the sanctuary of God" (Psalm 73:16,17). Till I entered the sanctuary of God....
     Every evening after dinner we would enter the small chapel within the De Merode's castle and pray. Pray for Europe, for Syria, for hearts to be opened towards knowing God. It was so encouraging to unite in prayer for the world. Within this sanctuary I was reminded that God is a God of justice and that one day the earth will be filled with His glory and not human glory pursued by means of hate and greed. It is in entering Gods sanctuary where I can cry out like Peter did saying " Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life." (John 6:68). I don't need to live in despair or fear in this hostile world, because I know I can run and cling to the One who has the words of eternal life. And it is through these words that we can find healing and restoration for hurting hearts in a hurting world.

The three American graves

Where your treasure is

Schloss Merode

        
 As I write I am sitting in the window of a 13th century castle near Düren, Germany. Paul and Rebecca are close friends with a truly charming couple, Prince Charles-Louise and Princess Clotilde De Merode who invited Paul and Rebecca and their clan (Annie, Naomi, and I) to visit them in their castle for several days. The De Merodes are one of the most important nobility of Belgium dating back to the Middle Ages. At one point in time the house of Merode's territory extended throughout parts of Germany, Belgium, and the Netherlands. It is a bit overwhelming for me to even try to grasp the amount of history behind this building or the extent of influence this family has had throughout European history.

       It might also seem overwhelming to be interacting with a couple of such influence, but the warmth and humility the Prince and Princess have create an atmosphere that allows us to have very engaging and delightful times together. So while sitting within the walls of this castle surrounded by astounding pieces of artwork and history live a couple who overflow with the joy they have found in their personal relationship with God through Jesus Christ. Although our lives and backgrounds are entirely different we can share and engage around the common bond of love for God. I have found such depth in the table conversations this week and hope to treasure these moments I have been able to witness here.

    During a dinner their daughter said she would never marry a man with a castle because it is so much work. And she is correct; the work involved in keeping a castle puts any other home improvement project to shame. Prince Charles-Louise's grandfather spent most of his life restoring the castle after its near destruction in WWII. The castle and surrounding property was the site of a battle between the Nazi's and Allies. Apparently the castle switched occupation between the Nazi's and Allies four times and suffered great damage.(I will share more about a visit to the smallest private WWII cemeteries which lies on their property later ). Damage from the bullets still remains around the front door and on some of the towers, a reminder of the violent history that occurred here. 

      In 2000 after almost completely restoring this massive castle the castle roof caught on fire. Although fire trucks were able to restrict the burn damage to the upper levels, the water damage permeated throughout most of the castle. The Prince and Princess have spent the last twelve years working to restore the castle. The exterior is almost complete but most of the interior is still under renovation. They described for us what it was like to watch all their beautiful restoration work and family heritage go up in flames and showed us damaged pieces of valuable artwork and furniture. Then the Prince said, "But we don't take this into paradise with us", what a wonderful perspective! As they continued to share they told of how they found a deeper joy after the fire although they had lost so much, a joy not based on wealth or circumstances, but found in God. They also shared about how the villagers came to help and the strengthening of the community that came about through the tragedy. Their perspective demonstrates where their hearts are, as Jesus says in Matthew 6 "where your treasure is, there your heart will also be". And it was so inspiring to witness how this Prince and Princess have found their true treasure in their relationship with Christ.

           Although their true treasure is in Christ they are good stewards of the heritage they have received. When many may have decided to give up on this mammoth restoration project, they did not, and they have invested so much of their time, energy, and funds into restoring this castle. The devotion they have towards restoring this castle that had almost been destroyed by fire reminds me of the devotion God has towards restoring our hearts, even after they have at times almost been destroyed by jealousy, lust, and hatred. And just as they have gone room by room slowly repairing each part of the castle so too does God go room by room in our hearts slowly repairing a damaged section here and another one there, until we can stand as strong and beautiful handiworks of our Creator. I was reminded of God's declaration in Jeremiah where he says, "I have loved you with an everlasting love, I have drawn you with loving kindness. I will build you up again and you will be rebuilt" (Jeremiah 31:3,4). Isn't it wonderful to know that just as Prince Charles-Louise and his family did not despair and chose to rebuild this castle so too does God not despair when he sees our damaged hearts? And He chooses to restore and rebuild our hearts and give us the ability to find our true treasure in our relationship with Him.

A slice of heaven..

A slice of heaven on earth

              Yesterday the shy Belgian sun decided to show its face again and give us the opportunity for a lovely afternoon in the garden. The Petrie's garden is stunning, full of roses, hydrangeas, and numerous other flowers whose names remain unknown to me. The sun was warm but there was a strong wind blowing through the garden. I love wind, when I was younger I would dash outside just to run around in it. I felt like that little girl yesterday as I ran up and down Rebecca's garden path soaking in the beauty all around me. "Father planted those trees for me" Rebecca said directing our attention to the tall pines at the bottom of the garden. She said that He knew that after her accident this garden would become a haven for her and that He planted them for her delight. It made me wonder what other ways God is planting trees or seeds that will later be used for our delight. He truly is a loving Father.

      I am not a gardener, but Rebecca has developed an appreciation for flowers in me, especially hydrangeas and I have never seen them more vibrant than they are this summer. The beauty of Gods creation really does take my breath away. Here are some pictures of these gorgeous flowers.

  The only threat to the beauty of the garden are the slugs..........Thankfully we had a nifty little booklet to help us annihilate them. Warning: If you have a soft spot for slugs I would not recommend reading any further!

The book did not include squishing them under a wheel chair so we though we would give it a try....

It is not polite to track in slug guts so we were quick to remove the evidence....

And many tears were shed......out of remorse or laughter? Well that is up to you to decide. I apologize if your view of me is forever tainted because of this incident. Or blame it on the quadriplegic...maybe if you were paralyzed you would also find a strange sort of satisfaction in squishing slugs. But I must admit it was my idea.
            Regardless it was a lovely afternoon spent with Rebecca full of joy and laughter as we soaked in the beauty of creation in her garden which is like a slice of heave on earth (minus the slugs).

"The heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of his hands. Day after day they pour forth speech; night after night they display knowledge" Psalm 19:1,2

Helpless

Helpless, that is how I feel when I find myself holding Rebecca's hand at 2:30 am and she is wide awake because of the burning nerve pain she sometimes experiences in the night. There is only so much my care-giving tricks can do, I can give her a drink, pain medications, adjust her blankets and pillows, and massage her legs and feet. But many times that is insufficient in making her comfortable and I feel like a failure and completely helpless. It is difficult for me to not allow my frustrations from my inability to solve the problem override the patience and compassion I need in those moments, and it is only God's grace that gives me the ability to remain patient and compassionate. I can be the type of person that when there is a problem I want to solve it, when something is broken I want to fix it, and when someone is feeling bad I want to make them feel better. But there are times like that evening where I hit a wall and realize that there is nothing I can do on my own to help them but to pray.
       I realized that this is often how I approach my life. When there is a problem I try to solve it, when something is broken I try to fix it, and when I or someone else feels badly I try to make everyone feel better. But then I hit a wall where I realize I am incapable, I get frustrated and feel like a failure and often times get angry at God for bringing me into a situation that I can't handle. But these are the situations that God must  bring me to in order to humble and remind me that I don't have to be Miss Self-Sufficient all the time or solve everything by myself. It is when I hit these walls that He reminds me that "apart from me you can do nothing" (John 15:5). And it is here that I find such freedom knowing that my ability to do anything relies entirely on my ability to remain in Christ. I am grateful for these "helpless" situations that remind me how incapable I am but how capable God is. About a month ago I graduated with this verse written on my cap as an anthem of the past years...I think I'll keep it as I enter into this new season as well.
"I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing" John 15:5

Drinking from a fire hydrant

       Do you ever stoop down to drink out of a fountain only to get hit with a force like that of a fire hydrant? Maybe not....but that is the closest analogy I can come up with to describe what these weeks here have been like. I came with an expectancy of being refreshed by the love and grace that flows through this household from the Father but have been overwhelmed by how God has chosen to lavish His love on me.
            It is hard to pinpoint a single moment that captures the essence of what I experience here, but maybe a few highlights of the week can give a better glimpse.
          Rebecca, Naomi, and I returned to Ephesians on Saturday for our impromptu Bible studies. Rebecca is such a gifted teacher and I can see why the enemy would want to destroy that ability by causing her to fall and break her neck while hosting a Bible study.....but he didn't know her or her Father who holds her life in His hand. I wanted to pinch myself to see if I was awake when I found myself at the feet of this quadriplegic, hanging on every word as she described the joys of knowing Father and how that surpasses any other desires for her life. It is an incredible privilege to be able to learn from Rebecca during this season.
       One of my favorite parts about being here is witnessing the beautiful (that word is inadequate) relationship between Paul and Rebecca. While hosting some friends for dinner Paul described how he and Rebecca "are more in love now than we have ever been" and this is obvious by the way their eyes shine when they see each other, when they kiss good morning, when they tease each other, in the way they speak of each other, and in the thousands of other ways they demonstrate their love for each other. During another dinner party Paul, holding Rebecca's hand, shared about the accident and finding "the love of his life" unconscious at the foot of the stairs and the subsequent journey they have traveled together over the past decade. This beautiful example of true love is also such a testament of their ability to love each other out of the love they receive from abiding in Christ. Their love increases my desire to receive that ability to love by also abiding in Christ.
    But not every moment is one of deep reflection or study. In fact what gets us through most of the days is laughter. Rebecca has an incredible sense of humor and loves to tease. I can't even remember what it was that triggered her but we found ourselves in a slap happy mood laughing until we cried. She may be practically paralyzed from the neck down but she is quick to find the upper hand causing me to choose my words very wisely when teasing her. When she says something extremely witty or sharp she'll say "oh the devil made me say that" but it makes everyone laugh....so I doubt that is true. There was lots of laughter as we consumed the best midnight snack last week when Caleb allowed her to sample some of his famous ginger snaps while also giving her the inside scoop of some of his experimental cookies that were later used as a practical joke on Paul and Mary. It is hard, no impossible to accurately describe the joy found in sitting around her bed at midnight laughing, joking ,and eating. The amount of joy she has is contagious causing most of our days to filled with lots of laughter. Which is good because I like to laugh :)
       "I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the Spirit of wisdom and revelation so that you may know him better" Ephesians 1:17. And that is my desire that my life may be in pursuit of knowing this God who gives us the ability to love as He loves, who gives us joy and laughter, and who chooses to lavish us with love and grace with a force like that of a fire hydrant.
   

Things I don't like

      One of my main duties here includes being on call for Rebecca during the night and helping shift her body in the middle of the night to keep her comfortable. This provides the opportunity for precious time with Rebecca, but it is also often during the night that she experiences more pain.
     During one of these shifts I was called down around 4:00 am. As I was adjusting Rebecca's blankets and helping make her comfortable she made a comment about disliking how her hand cramps up I was half listening (remember it was 4:00 am) until she dropped one of her many nuggets of insights that I will never forget. She said, "there are lots of things I don't like.....(pause) and I need to thank Jesus for them".
        It is so easy for me to daily make a list of things I don't like. Recently that would have included exasperating professors, annoying drivers, grumpy customers, tired feet etc. But my list looks flimsy in comparison to Rebecca's which could include being paralyzed from the neck down, yet she chooses to thank God for all the things she doesn't like. Like Paul in Philippians 4:12,13 she has "learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want" because she finds her strength in God.
          I believe I got a glimpse of that secret of being content in any and every situation, that secret includes thanking God for all the things we don't like and finding our source and strength in him. So when I come across things I don't like I can be thankful in the knowledge that it isn't the things I like or don't like that satisfy me but the peace and joy found in my relationship with my Father.

"My treasure"

             
      "My treasure" is one of the ways Susanna (Rebecca's daughter) refers to her adorable daughter Marta. It has been delightful to have this very intelligent two-year old around this week and we have quickly become close friends. But it is even more delightful to watch Paul and Rebecca's faces light up when their granddaughter walks into the room. From Rebecca's vantage point in bed Marta is this curly red head that hops around the room chattering about everything she sees and does. Recently Marta has become an excellent tea party hostess. She received an adorable toy tea set from Mary and has hosted several of these tea parties on Rebecca's lap. She delicately pours the "tea" adds "cream" and "sugar" and warns her guests that the mint tea might be hot! She has also recently taken an interest in care-giving. She has become my little shadow and is very helpful in giving Rebecca a drink of water and wiping her face and any other care-giving tasks she can do. Each day is full of precious moments as she is nurtured by her strong and loving mother and grandparents. What wonderful parenting and grand-parenting she has! One of the most precious moments is when her Oma (Rebecca) tells her stories. Marta hangs on every word as Rebecca tells her stories from her own childhood or about Susanna and the boys. It has been a pure joy to witness these precious moments.

           I know it seems cliche but there is always so much I learn from little children and Marta is no exception. When Susanna calls Marta "my treasure" Father reminds me that I am his treasure, when Marta is lovingly disciplined by her mother and threatens to run away to Montenegro (yes this two-year old knows how to say Montenegro!) I am reminded of how Father lovingly disciplines me and patiently explains why I should not run away to my Montenegros, and when I witness how Paul and Rebecca delight in their granddaughter I am reminded how Father delights in me.

"The LORD your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you" Zephaniah 3:17

Story time with Oma

Home away from home

     It has been almost a week since I arrived here in Belgium and it is certainly wonderful to be back at my home away from home. This is my third term as a caregiver for Rebecca, but it has been almost three years since I was last here and I was just overjoyed to return. When I arrived Rebecca was at the bottom of the garden where she likes to spend her quite times,  I felt like a child running down the stairs on Christmas morning as I went to the bottom of the garden to greet her. She is such a delight and I feel incredibly privileged to serve her.

   The household here is busy and recently has had a number of friends in and out. It has been great reuniting with friends from my previous trip like Annie, Mary, and Susanna. As well as meeting and making friends with the departing Haven and Tess and making new friends with Susanna's adorable children Fillip and Marta and my wonderful co-caregiver Naomi. It has also been fun to represent Ohio with Caleb.

     Sunday was my 22nd birthday and I began the day doing one of my favorite things, which is caring for Rebecca. I was given my first of many birthday serenades from Paul and Rebecca when I entered her room to help get her up and shortly afterwards I received another birthday song from two-year old Marta. Later in the morning while most of the household was at church, Rebecca did a little Bible study with Naomi and I. We began Ephesians and I was overwhelmed with gratitude as the passage reminded me how we were chosen before the creation of the world to be pure and blameless before God and that is was his pleasure to make this possible by adopting us as sons and daughters through Christ Jesus. Later we had a lovely birthday celebration and I felt incredibly blessed to be surrounded by such wonderful people. To top off the day we watched the Euro Cup Final (Europe's Super Bowl) between Italy and Spain, the game itself was a blow out but the trash talk between Susanna and Rebecca was quite entertaining. I was able to end the day the way I started it, caring for Rebecca. As I left her room after the midnight turn I felt in awe of God's perfect guidance in my life. He knows exactly what I need in this season and has brought me to a place where I can be at rest and experience his joy as I serve Rebecca.

"I run in the path of your commands for you have set my heart free" Psalm 119:32

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