Helpless

Helpless, that is how I feel when I find myself holding Rebecca's hand at 2:30 am and she is wide awake because of the burning nerve pain she sometimes experiences in the night. There is only so much my care-giving tricks can do, I can give her a drink, pain medications, adjust her blankets and pillows, and massage her legs and feet. But many times that is insufficient in making her comfortable and I feel like a failure and completely helpless. It is difficult for me to not allow my frustrations from my inability to solve the problem override the patience and compassion I need in those moments, and it is only God's grace that gives me the ability to remain patient and compassionate. I can be the type of person that when there is a problem I want to solve it, when something is broken I want to fix it, and when someone is feeling bad I want to make them feel better. But there are times like that evening where I hit a wall and realize that there is nothing I can do on my own to help them but to pray.
       I realized that this is often how I approach my life. When there is a problem I try to solve it, when something is broken I try to fix it, and when I or someone else feels badly I try to make everyone feel better. But then I hit a wall where I realize I am incapable, I get frustrated and feel like a failure and often times get angry at God for bringing me into a situation that I can't handle. But these are the situations that God must  bring me to in order to humble and remind me that I don't have to be Miss Self-Sufficient all the time or solve everything by myself. It is when I hit these walls that He reminds me that "apart from me you can do nothing" (John 15:5). And it is here that I find such freedom knowing that my ability to do anything relies entirely on my ability to remain in Christ. I am grateful for these "helpless" situations that remind me how incapable I am but how capable God is. About a month ago I graduated with this verse written on my cap as an anthem of the past years...I think I'll keep it as I enter into this new season as well.
"I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing" John 15:5