Changing Seasons

    I noticed the tips of the leaves beginning to turn from green to red and orange while I was running around the lake this week, my favorite season Autumn has arrived. And while this glorious season begins my marvelous season here in Belgium is quickly coming to an end.

     I can't even begin to process all that these past months have been for me or even attempt to find words to describe the precious months. My heart is so full of gratitude. Rebecca's sister Judy shared today from Ann Voskamp's book One Thousand Gifts and in it she says, "it's the fundamental, lavish, radical nature of the upside down economy of God. Empty to fill".
    I came here to spend these months serving Rebecca, to give of my time and energy and in each way I was emptied I have been abundantly filled. Voskamp also writes, "God extravagantly pays back everything we give away and exactly in the currency that is not of this world but the one we yearn for: Joy in Him".  What a great exchange rate! As I give of myself I receive His joy in exchange.

   I am in awe of God's perfect guidance in bringing me back here, and am so thankful for all the incredible people I have been able to meet and share life with here. It has been a delight to share care-giving duties with Naomi and Abigail as well as overlapping with my predecessor Tess and my successor Abigail White. We quickly form deep friendships over our shared experiences here. 

   And how can I even begin to describe the privilege of serving Rebecca? I told Rebecca earlier today that, "I hope I have fully taken advantage of you and of this precious time here and I hope that I don't loose any of the things I have learned here".... I dread saying goodbye. Although I seem to keep finding my way back here at some time or another it is still extremely difficult to part. Logistically it makes sense that it would be difficult to part after spending the majority of most of my days for the past 3 months with Rebecca being her hands and feet. And although many times I can read her thoughts or subconsciously do things before she has asks, it is not just the bond of living life together so closely that makes parting so difficult, but it is the richness of spending so much time with Rebecca as she gratefully celebrates life. It is her sense of humor and joy..... oh I will miss laughing and teasing with her. It is her perspective on life and perpetual gratitude, it is the wealth of wisdom she so generously shares, and it is witnessing her deep love for God and her secure knowledge of His love for her. I long for the day when I can look back over 50 years of walking with God and speak of His love and faithfulness the way Rebecca does.

       Psalm 61:5 says " You have given me the heritage of those who fear your name",
 I have been given such a beautiful spiritual heritage from Rebecca through this season. The question that remains is what will I do with what I have been given?

            My prayer is that because Father has given me so much and filled me until I am overflowing that I won't waste it. That He will guide me in ways to extend what has generously been lavished on me through this season into the next season of my life. Whatever this next season holds be may I continue to be emptied to be filled.

Faithful

Sometimes the midnight turn with Rebecca feels like reliving the sleepovers I used to have with my friends. Rebecca has an incredible joy that surpasses her circumstances and this ability to have fun in any situation. Midnights frequently become subject to this ability to have fun anywhere and anytime. So I often find myself I perched on the side of Rebecca's bed listening to her stories as we laugh and giggle together like little girls. Rebecca is a gifted story-teller and a woman with many amazing stories to tell so I savor these moments of watching her beautiful face as she recounts story after story, each a testimony of God's faithfulness in her life.
          When she becomes drowsy we call it quits and I leave her to go back to sleep. Above the dimmed light in her bedroom is a plaque with the words "God is faithful" written on it. As I leave the room I glance up at the light as I switch it off and watch the light fade over the words "God is faithful". Rebecca has told me that the hymn Great is Thy Faithfulness has become one of her life anthems, and what a testimony her life is. I can declare God's faithfulness but my twenty-two sheltered and comfortable years do not carry the same weight as Rebecca's. But for Rebecca to declare God's faithfulness after 50 plus years of walking with the Lord and after an accident that left her paralyzed from the neck down, truly is a strong testament of Gods faithfulness. Being able to share life together so closely challenges me to have deeper faith in my ever faithful Father.
  After switching off the light I turn towards the door and on it is a poster with the words, "celebrate life" written on it. This continues to declare God's faithfulness, because when we know that God is faithful we have no reason to fear and can celebrate the life He has given us. Rebecca has chosen life and daily chooses to celebrate the life God has given her. Although few survive the type of neck injury Rebecca experienced, God chose to miraculously allow her to survive. But surviving meant living in paralysis, like a prisoner in her own body Rebecca's life as she had known it had been altered for the rest of this life. However, Rebecca could not settle to just survive such a serious injury, she chose to thrive, to celebrate the new life she has been given. She often optimistically says, "who gets to start a new life in their mid 50's?". She has chosen to embrace her new life and even to celebrate it. She celebrates life in the mundane daily activities, through the beauty of her garden, and even during the middle of the night. Her life and the way she lives it declares the truth that we can celebrate life in whatever form in takes because we know our lives are entrusted to the faithful Creator.

"Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess for he who promised is faithful"
Hebrews 10:23

Not a very flattering post

             There's nothing quite like staring directly in the face of your own wretchedness to remind you of your desperation for God's grace. Recently there have been several days where I have wrestled with arrogance, impatience, selfishness, unkindness, and irritability. I would become frustrated by the moody television, the every five minute request from the dogs to become their doting doorman, by the salad that fell off Rebecca's spoon as I was feeding her, or the ringing of the telephone and my belief that I was the only person in the house capable of answering it. I would even get annoyed if I was asked to do something for Rebecca at a moment I found inconvenient or in a way I thought irrational, although the very reason I am here is be her hands and feet! I used to think that I was pretty good with people, but staying in the house and working with the same three women around the clock 6 days a week has provided an excellent opportunity to recognize that I have much room for improvement. I found myself becoming annoyed by every little thing, and it wasn't that they anything was being done differently, nothing had changed, except me. I had lost my peace.
               One morning I became defensive about some silly detail while getting Rebecca up in her chair. Later Annie humbly came up to me and apologized for anything she had said or a tone of voice she used that caused me to become defensive. It took her humility to humble me because it was entirely my arrogance that caused me to become defensive and not anything she said or did. It was one of those moments that the reality that apart from God and His grace I can do nothing became so very clear.
                Later in the day Rebecca shared during our Bible study from John 16:33, "I have told you these things so that you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world", her Bible's study note explained that the word "trouble" includes stress, pressure, anguish (sound familiar?). She continued from John 14:27 "Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid" and explained that although God does not give us peace like the world gives (comfort, ease, convenience, things the way we like it) He does give us  a deep peace when we abide in Him. She said that when we loose our peace we must go back and ask where did we loose our peace? I believe I lost my peace when I forgot to abide in Him and when I forgot to thank Him for all of those little things that drive me crazy. I was reading in Dietrich Bonhoeffer's Life Together where he says, "only he who gives thanks in little things receives the big things. We prevent God from giving us the great spiritual gifts He has in store for us, because we do no not give thanks for daily gifts". I certainly don't want to miss out on God's great spiritual gifts because I have failed to recognize and give thanks for the daily gifts including the gifts of the things I don't like. It is only when I am abiding in Christ that I can have the ability to be thankful for the barking dog that wants let out for the 50th time, or that bite of salad that slips off the spoon, or being asked to fold the blankets in a different way.
 "Peace I leave with you' my peace I give you", I cling to these words because without God's peace that comes from abiding in Him I will have to live with my selfish, prideful, and anxious self....and that's not very fun.

6 am Genval, Belgium

"Where morning dawns and evening fades you call forth songs of joy" Psalm 65:8